Married to the wrong idea

The mid-term elections took place today and lots of interesting things happened.  Most important of all, I finally tasted the McRib.  That would be this thing down here:

What exactly is a boneless rib?

We got to McDonald’s because my dear friend Brian went and tried to vote and realized, at the polls that he wasn’t registered.  So to soothe his failed attempt at participating in democracy and also as a bookend to a day that started with the end of a drag show and included 2 yoga classes (him, not me, I didn’t even eat 2 cups of yogurt), we thought, let’s go to Chinatown and partake in a McRib while obnoxiously reading the copy on the side of the box as if it were a romance novel.

This was really good for our souls till I noticed 2 things, it contains “boneless rib” and the sides of the box are decorated with photos of whole versions of some of the ingredients in the sandwich, a whole onion for instance.  Except, instead of a photo of a pig such as this one:


This is a pig. It is quite cute

We got a drawing of a pig on a chalkboard.  Really?  A boneless rib from a drawing of a pig?  Are we really that removed from our food?

Am I really looking to judge American values at a McDonald’s in Chinatown?

We waddled back to Brian’s apartment where we discussed golden showers and then Fran Drescher on HSN.  Her FranBrand products sold out and we were so excited for her and then we switched to election coverage. (how was that for a roundabout diversion?)

Long story short, there was a bit of a Democrat blood bath, Massachusetts is still all blue, and the slutty virgin witch Christine O’Donell lost.  In gay speak though, the consensus is that these elections were not exactly good news.  Perhaps best summarized by Brian Brown for the anti-gay National Organization for Marriage (NOM, as in the eating sound for people of baser instincts.) Thanks to for the screen capture.

That would be Iowa where marriage equality was made the law of the land by the Supreme Court and New Hampshire that currently has marriage equality.

You know how this post started at the elections and then took a massive detour and then is slowly coming back?

That’s what I think the ENTIRE marriage equality push is.  A detour on the part of gay activists in the name of of LGBTs.  Yes, I firmly believe that the push for marriage equality is wrong headed.  I don’t see it as having done very much good, I see it as having done harm and in places including Maine, and soon, perhaps New Hampshire and Iowa it is a waste of time, resources and for people in monogamous relationships perhaps entirely de-stabilizing.

How dare I, a gay man call marriage for gays a bad idea?

Because it doesn’t go far enough.  Queers have a myriad of relationship and family patterns that just don’t fit into the marriage concept of 2 people committing forever to each other.  Queers have something to bring to the discussion.  What constitutes family?  How many people in a romantically loving relationship?  How are people in a family related?  Marriage for gays never considers these possibilities.  Instead, it apes a pattern created as an exchange of property and a foundation for procreation.

And really, are our memories so short that we don’t remember that it is precisely the privileging of a specific relationship pattern and style that oppresses queers in the first place?  I say “memories” as if this is a thing of the past, it isn’t.  Rather than working to abolish and de-legitimize these root causes, somehow our leadership decided that we want to join in it?  Really?

And while the gays were so focused on being welcome to the big house, teens are still getting bullied, young people are coming out younger and then killing themselves, nobody’s really figured out how to discuss queerness sensitively across racial lines and people are still getting fired from their jobs for being appearing queer.

Really, if gay people were trying to get the tangible legal and financial benefits of marriage for their families, could we not have strategically looked out further and asked “How does our unique life experience enrich that of everyone?”  Shouldn’t the movement really be about expanding the legal definitions of families?  This could have allowed the gay movement to build powerful allies across all kinds of aisles, but instead, we’re stuck with “marriage”, you’re either for it or you’re a hater.

Do I sound like I’m pissed?  YES I am.  Where I come from, in the army, a common refrain is “Wake Up Your Idea!”

Gays might benefit from listening.


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